


Numb

by ShadowBest



Series: Wedding Jitters [2]
Category: Violet Evergarden (Anime)
Genre: Companion Piece to Just One Kiss, Confrontations, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Inspired by Fanfiction author, Older Male/Younger Female, Possibility of Future additional pieces, Pre-Wedding Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 02:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16484621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowBest/pseuds/ShadowBest
Summary: Gilbert wanted to see Violet just one more time before the wedding. He didn't want to wait a few more hours before seeing the love of his life in her dress. He didn't believe in those kinds of superstitions anyway. Seeing her before the ceremony wouldn't ruin the wedding, right?





	Numb

**Author's Note:**

> * Thank you to the author on fanfiction and my friends for helping me write this, it was just as difficult as the last one, but still worth it.
> 
> * It's meant to be a "what-if" situation, I hope you guys like it.
> 
> * It will have a different ending from Just One Kiss, only because I didn't want it to end exactly as it did in that one, which it felt like it would've done if I hadn't changed it.
> 
> * May contain OOCness.
> 
> *Important!* : I really, really like this fandom, love it in fact. But, I struggle with it so much, I don't know if it's because I'm still unfamiliar with it or something else, but it's very frustrating. I posted this separately from the one before because while it is set similarly to the other, it was from another character and the flow of it didn't quite fit the way the other went. So, I am not posting this as a second chapter. This, and any future stories tying to this will be written as single chapters. Fingers crossed it doesn't go against the sites regulations, will you guys let me know if it does so I can make necessary changes without the removal of the story?

Gilbert knew it was bad luck, to see the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony. But, he didn't really believe in that kind of superstition, and he just had to see her. He was excited, relieved and very happy that the day was finally here. Being a stern and stoic person, who was often said not capable of loving or being loved in return, he felt like he was about to burst, the happiness which he was experiencing was that strong. He had gone to the bride's room intending to see her just one more time before, but instead of finding Violet, he was left in a room full of women who had come to be close to her.

Iris, Erica, Cattleya, Princess Charlotte, Luculia, even little Anne Magnolia, each of them had been affected by the woman he loved in some way. Pride swelled within his chest as he looked to each one. Hodgins had told Gilbert of her deeds and the missions she had to undertake to get to where she was, but to see the results in front of him was different. When the two of them hit a rough patch, Gilbert was forced to remember how she was before, though she never regressed to the level she was at throughout the war. Some part inside of him found it hard to believe that she had come so far, though he never allowed that voice to say as much.

He was ashamed to admit that he couldn't see just how she had done it, until it was right in front of him like it was now. "What is it Gilbert?" Cattleya asked, breaking him from his thoughts. His single eye, emerald-green in color, blinked slowly as he shook his head a little. "I was hoping to see Violet; do you know where she is?" He asked, watching as each girl turned to each other. The silence was thick as each of them considered what to do before finally, Cattleya took pity on him.

"Dietfried asked to borrow her a little bit ago, I think he wanted to talk to her. Would you like me to get her?" She asked, purple eyes bright as she looked up at him. Gilbert considered her offer, biting his lip slightly before shaking his head, he was already going to see her in her dress, he may as well retrieve her himself, he decided. "No thank you, I shall do it, do you know where they went?" He said. "I saw them go outside, but couldn't see which direction they went." She replied, Gilbert said his thanks, nodded to each person in turn then pivoted from the room, quickening his step just slightly.

It had taken Gilbert a while to find them, having checked near the aisles, then the chatting cluster of guests hovering near the pond. He had even gone around to where his false grave laid, part of him expecting them to be speaking about that. He had run into Hodgins eventually and asked if he had seen the pair, and finally hit his luck when his best friend pointed him in the right direction. He had seen them walking to the willow trees, and has yet to see them come back out, though it was possible they had slipped out the other side and had just remained unseen. They exchanged additional words before separating once more, Gilbert going toward the tree he was directed to and Hodgins moving to find Benedict.

Gilbert could feel the lush green grass press underfoot, a faint feeling of warmth as the sun reflected off of his adamant silver hand, the heat from its rays soaking into his black hair. He could practically taste drying dew on his tongue, the slight wind cooling his face and collar. Tuning instruments came on the breeze, the faint sound resonating in his ears. As he walked along the tree line, neck swiveling to and fro to see as much as he could, green eye gazing through the leaves, he could pick up a vague sound at the edge his senses. Up ahead, he could make out shapes within the shade of the trees.

Coming closer, he could feel his stomach begin to twist. The form of the shadow, its proximity and moving shape, it left him with an uneasy feeling. A painfully familiar, unpleasant emotion settling within his chest. He wasn't going to like this, he knew. His left hand, still flesh and blood, trembled as he reached for the leaves.

His heart began to beat unsteadily behind his ribs, his breath coming in short gasps, the sound faint to his ears. His skin prickled with sweat, a weight settling on his shoulders as he drew back the curtain. Gilbert didn't know how to react. So many emotions welled up inside of him, it was becoming unbearable. Anger and hurt were most prominent, but he was torn on which to settle with.

His mind was a jumbled mess, his head began to ache as his thoughts swirled around each other. Any stoicism he was said to have crumbled at his feet. He was barely able to restrain his spiraling feelings. He felt lightheaded, his lungs aching from lack of air, he hadn't realized he had stopped breathing. When he managed to exhale again it came out in a loud, harsh gasp, the sound causing the pair to jump apart.

Through a bleary eye, the emerald darkening to jade, he could just make out the blurry outline of Violet, her gleaming silver arms and blue eyes still bright in his vision. The dark, tall outline of Dietfried shifted from foot to foot, his shoulders slumped with guilt as Gilbert blinked until his vision cleared. He felt an awful mixture of glee and guilt as he saw his bride-to-be waver in front of him. Tears welling in her vibrant eyes, the guilt gnawed at him even as he felt righteous indignation. Time seemed to have frozen between the trio, it felt as if the very leaves stopped swaying, even as tension became palpable. "G-Gilbert," Violet's voice came out quietly, a strangled choke.

Her eyes glimmered with tears, her restraint near its brink as she stared unblinkingly to him. Gilbert could feel anger and sadness swell, the uncomfortable, heavy emotions squatting heavily on his chest. He was unaware of his shoulders shaking with repressed anger, fingers clenching then loosening as he breathed deeply. His lungs burned as he restrained himself to breathing through his nose, the painful ache calming him. He could feel his mouth move, the words rising within his throat, but he couldn't get them off of the tip of his tongue.

What does one say in this situation? Should he yell, scream? Despite feeling the urge to do both, Gilbert could only feel pain, the unfairness of the entire situation settling heavy upon his mind. He felt hurt and beguiled, his lips trembled with frozen words, a tingling sensation sweeping through his body as he breathed shakily. His vision darkened around the edges, color becoming dull as his mind raced.

Desperately he wanted answers to why this happened, how it happened. But at the moment, he didn't feel like he could handle it. He was barely hanging on by a thread. Years upon years of training to suppress his emotions in the army hadn't prepared him for this. Buried underneath the hurt, and pain and rage, he still felt love for Violet and Dietfried.

Deeply rooted and immovable, he could never bear to lose the people in front of him. Each of them had gone through hell, an experience that tied people together. Even the hate and fear Dietfried felt for Violet was no longer capable of separating them from their similar backgrounds, the position Gilbert had found them in moments before attested to that. Gilbert blindly raised shaking hands to his face, feeling wetness underneath one hand, the amount greater than a single eye should be able to produce. He hadn't been aware that he had started crying. He could feel the water against his fingertips, the drops streaming onto his prosthetic hand even as he wiped away the tears roughly.

"How did this happen?" Gilbert asked lips wet with tears and tasting of salt, his voice quiet and rough, broken, barely above a whisper. He could hear the clink of metal as Violet shifted, smell Dietfried's cologne as he swayed on his feet. Neither answered for a moment, the guilt and shame tangible between the pair of them. "I-I don't know." Violet finally answered, voice thick and sad, her words nearly inaudible under Dietfried's stronger, guilt-ridden tone. "I started it." He said, their words clashing and becoming jumbled, he almost didn't understand them.

Gilbert could hear a sob slip past Violet's lips, her shoulders beginning to tremble from the effort of stifling her emotions. He wanted to comfort her, but he couldn't bring himself to go to her. His mind was muddled and sluggish, he desperately wanted to sleep, it felt like he had just finished his first day of physical training in boot camp. He wished all of this was just a dream, and he could wake up and start the day as if it had never happened. But Gilbert didn't even have to pinch himself to know that this situation was actually happening, as surreal and painful as it was.

As his mind raced, the pain and anger began to ebb away into numbness, the tears having long dried since he had realized they were there. His hands lowered down along his cheek, fingertips brushing against the warmed flesh. His eye prickled from lack of blinking, his tears having siphoned away the moisture. His chest ached as his heart steadied, lungs expanding widely as he took deep, cooling breaths. He felt detached from it all, yet unable to leave at the same time, too hurt to feel anger any longer, the numbness gradually taking away even that emotion and replacing it with an empty feeling.

His chest felt hollow, his shoulders rising and falling as he went through the motions of breathing. The silence hung over them like a guillotine, the rope felt as if it were unraveling, ready to fall at any moment. "Do you love her?" Gilbert asked, the words leaving his lips before the thought connected with his brain. He dreaded the answer, but he needed to know. If his brother did love her, he wouldn't blame him, she was just that kind of woman, but it would hurt.

Despite the situation they were in now, he knew that Violet loved him. The emotion shone brightly within her eyes every time he saw her. It left a warm feeling within his chest. Knowing this, Gilbert felt that, given time, he could forgive their actions. The army having trained him to think rationally in any type of situation, if he had jumped in without thought, or acted before thinking, he wouldn't have risen in ranks as he had.

So, he knew that she loved him, and he still loved her, he couldn't give her up. But, even with this realization, he could still feel a seed of jealousy in the pit of his stomach. Dietfried loathed Violet for years, he was disgusted, and angry, and didn't see her as the person she was, the person she had grown to be for the longest time. What had changed? Why act now?

He couldn't think of answers to his questions, but he knew he couldn't go without knowing. It would eat at him if he didn't find out. "I do." Dietfried answered, breaking Gilbert from his rampant thoughts. Gilbert felt a surge of relief from this answer, though it only just helps with his emotions, he at least knew. He felt something shift within his mind, a weight lifting off of his shoulders and chest, he could breathe a little easier now.

The cool touch of metal met his cheek, so like his own, but not at the same time. "Gilbert," Violet whispered, voice shaky and weak. Through a dark, half-lidded eye he could see tear tracks treading across her face, tears dripping from her chin and onto her collar. She didn't say anything for a moment, her fingertips steady upon his cheek, rigid but gentle. "I love you." She murmured, tilting her head up to press her lips to his, they moved slowly, his own remained frozen.

His mind raced as he unconsciously let his hands wrap around her waist, his breath slipping out in a soft rush, his mouth tingled as she kissed him, gently coaxing him into returning the gesture. Gilbert let his lips be directed by hers, tension sliding off of his shoulders as his fingertips grasped her hips, the flesh giving pleasantly within his grip. He relished in the flavor of her lips, it was soothing and distinctly her. On top of that however, he tasted something unfamiliar, sharp and tangy. Gilbert sighed against her lips, resolve collapsing as he deepened the kiss, his heart picking up as he pulled her against his body.

He let his hands move over her hips, skirting slowly up along her sides. He could feel the lace of her dress against the pads of his left hand. His ears rushed with blood as he kissed Violet, her lips slow and unsteady yet unrelenting against his own. In the heat of the moment, everything else in the world seemed to have fallen away, leaving just him and her. Even with this feeling, a part of him, distant and echoing faintly, tried to remind him of his brother, the man she was kissing what felt like ages ago.

Gilbert didn't let himself dwell on the fact, his lips carefully prying her own apart before the tip of his tongue slipped over her bottom lip, almost touching her teeth before slowing the kiss once more. He could feel her heart beating rapidly, the feeling indistinct but still discernible. His nerves prickled underneath his skin, blood speeding in his veins. Gilbert could feel Violet's hands moving over his body, slipping along his chest and over his shoulders, before settling. Even through his muddled mind, he had to repress the urge to tear himself away as he felt her hands on his neck, his instincts making his body stiffen and his lips pause.

Gilbert breathed against her lips, his skin flushed and tingling, the cold touch of her metal hands left a trail of fire in their path. He could feel his throat tighten as his eye opened, unaware that it had even shut. A jolt of pleasure shot down his spine, the sight in front of him making his heart squeeze and stomach flip. Violet's eyes were dark, clouded with lust, her mouth plump and stained pink, still wet from being kissed. Through her parted lips, he could just see the tip of her tongue poking from her teeth.

A low groan rose from his throat, his heart squeezing within his chest as his single eye dilated with desire. He could feel something stir inside of him, the things Violet made him feel… it sent chills down his spine. Gilbert could feel himself lean down, his lips brushing against her own, not yet pulling her back into a kiss, just letting himself enjoy the sensation. "Gilbert…" Violet's voice came out in a breathless gasp, faint and wispy, it caused his stomach to surge with heat. He let his left hand move along her jawline, her skin smooth and warm on his fingertips.

His lips were wet and warm, her breath heating his mouth with every exhale. He could feel his nerves buzzing underneath his skin, a pleasant crawl moving over the back of his neck, making the hair rise. His senses were overwhelmed by her, the soft gust of her breath, the chilling yet comforting feeling of her fingers, the way her body melded to his own, it made him teeter at the edge. He could feel his restraint breaking with every second he spent in her embrace, the care he had for ceremonies and tradition wiping away as he breathed in the minty and flowery taste of her mouth. Everything she did to him made his body react, the way his heart felt like it was going to jump from his chest, rapidly beating at the pulse in his throat.

His ears filling with blood as it sped through his veins, his breath becoming unsteady as his lungs expelled and took in air almost too quickly to keep up. The way the pit of his stomach heated as he was overcome with lust. It scared him, the control she had over him, yet it was intoxicating. It made him come back for more every time, wanting to go to the edge again and again. His right hand, the metal sturdy and firm, wavered as he let it skim along her body, grazing over the curve of her breast before sliding down her side and back again.

The sudden sound of a throat being cleared made Gilbert jerk away, his hands pulling away from Violet's body as if they were set aflame, the muscles in his neck throbbing from the sudden, rough motion. His breath came out in harsh, short gasps, his lungs expanding painfully within his ribs. He could feel his face burn with the sudden flush of blood, embarrassment and anger welling inside of him as his hands clenched. In the corner of his eye, he could see Dietfried smirk, an overly casual and innocent air held around him. "Just thought that I should remind you Gil," He started voice colored with amusement, the way his voice sounded, the smug tone, it made Gilbert's skin buzz with irritation.

"You just have to wait a few more hours before you can take her to bed." Gilbert glared at his older brother, any pleasure he felt moments before giving way to annoyance and anger. Before he could retort, Violet gasped suddenly, bringing his attention back to her, before he could ask what was wrong, she began to rush away. He could only watch as his fiancée went over the grass, the sound of her dress brushing the lawn and the clink of metal from her hands coming back on the breeze. Gilbert huffed to himself, his own prosthetic curling in a sign of irritation before he forced it to unfurl, his shadowy expression wiping away into a blank one. His eye prickled as he glowered at his brother, lips turned down into a deeper scowl before he turned away.

He allowed himself to step from the shade of the willow, the quiet sound of Dietfried's footsteps following after. Neither spoke for a moment, the silence and tension between them palpable as they walked towards the manor. The sound of happy chatter and tuning instruments soon came to them, growing louder and harder to ignore the closer they got to the carpet. The happy and celebratory mood didn't quite reach the pair, shielded by briefly forgotten anger, jealousy, guilt and sadness. "Don't think I've forgotten what you did." Gilbert said suddenly, the two of them having stopped at the double set of doors, he looked up until varying shades of green met.

Neither spoke, wallowing in their own negativity, Dietfried cleared his throat once more, quiet and weak, not at all like the pointed, self-assured sound from earlier. "Gil…" He finally breathed, voice low and rough, nearly inaudible. Gilbert shook his head, his gaze slipping away from the sad scrutiny of his elder. Unspoken words passed between them, neither willing to say them aloud. He took a deep breath, holding it until his lungs burned from lack of air, he let it out in an unsteady rush.

He opened his mouth, the words on the tip of his tongue, before closing it again. Twice more he did this before stopping, unable to say anything. Silence settled over them again, taut and uncomfortable. "I'm sorry." Dietfried broke the silence first, his voice a whisper, Gilbert almost didn't hear it. Gilbert wanted to say something, to tell Dietfried it was okay, that he forgave him.

But he couldn't forgive him yet, even though he understood why Dietfried did what he had. He just wasn't the kind of man able to overlook something like that, not yet. Maybe over time, but for now, he just couldn't. The hurt was too fresh, the anger still there, even if it didn't show in the moment. "I know." Gilbert settled on, his words quiet but hopeful, an unspoken wish shared between them.


End file.
